Sometimes, I wish I could run away. Or go on strike. Just drop everything and go to bed, or take a holiday. And just be away from all the work, stress and mehs. I’ve even been fantasising about going back to a desk job. That was even worse, and logically, I know that I can’t just run away from things.
But I am so tired. There has been so much confusion and too many bad days that I have finally come to realise that I am not as strong as I like to think I am. At the moment, I feel like a fragile wreck – fine and even better than fine some days, and crying into my laptop on other days. In other words, just like any other normal woman. Right?
Sometimes I wish it was right. I have been longing to be ‘normal’ these days, and sometimes I am not even sure I know what that means. Is it normal to want to sleep forever? Or to lose all sense of perspective in the midst of a dark slump? Is it normal to slowly cut yourself off from the world, and lose hope in the process?
I don’t know how other people feel of course. Sometimes during the good phases I barely even remember how I feel during the dark days. What I do know is that stress will kill me, or at least bring me to burn out point again.
The big question now is what the heck I am going to do about it.
